From Stranger to Source

While I was typing my last blog post, a girl sitting next to me began talking on the phone in a language that I associated with an Indian dialect.
When she hung up, I asked her if she would be willing to answer a few questions about her culture. Saham told me that she was Sikh and was born and raised in America, but her parents came to America from India.
When I told her about The Honor Diaries and about the topics that were discussed, one particular topic perked her interest.
"It sounds terrible to say this but honor killings are kind of a norm in my culture," Saham says.
She goes on to tell me about how in India, honor killings are not discussed, but the perpetrators are not penalized. She told me that in many cases, it is culturally acceptable to punish or even kill your daughter for disgracing herself or the family.
She then told me about what she describes as the cast system of acceptable people to marry. Saham says that her family is very progressive, but even still, her mother sat her down when she was 15 and told her that it was only acceptable to date people within her "cast". She told me that she would not force her daughters to marry within their culture, but that she herself would not date outside of her culture and was in fact engaged to a fellow Sikh.
Many of Saham's friends are interested in dating outside of their "cast" but must keep their relationships secret from their family and friends, even right here in America.

This blew me away! Sitting right next to me in an American university was a woman that was raised in such a different way. She was engaged to someone practicing her own faith, not necessarily because she loved him (which I am not implying that she does not), but because it was culturally unacceptable to do otherwise.

She told me that as long as your parents (or grandparents) are alive, you must do nothing to disrespect or shame them, which is why these traditions are maintained for so long.
Saham believes that she represents the last generation to engage in traditional behaviors, such as marrying within the "cast" and that her children's generation will not have to follow many of these traditions. Saham told me that things were progressing, not only in America, but also in India, as well. But I honestly cannot help but feel that these progressions are not happening rapidly enough. Just the fact that honor killings are still acceptable prove to me that things are not where they need to be and every day that these "norms" exist, victims are at risk.